Help Me!

[Cougar_In_Training]

I really need some advice from those who have been in this position before. I am dating a new guy, who is 27 (I'm 42). We've had two dates and the chemistry between us is off the charts - and I'm not just talking sexually. He's intelligent, well-traveled, has the same sense of humor as I do and we really enjoy spending time with each other. He's often commented on the chemistry being really great between us.

Fast forward to last weekend, when he vanished on me. A few days pass, and he calls to apologize for not responding to a message I left him. He said he had been thinking about things and said that the age difference between us really bothered him. He brought up points about the natural aging process, if my health deteriorates, etc. and how he was worried it would break his heart if that happened. I told him that there are no guarantees in life, even with girls his own age. The conversation ended with him agreeing to think about things on his upcoming business trip and for us to talk again once he returns.

I'm concerned that this could be the end of it. He did mention his friends all dating girls around their age - makes me think he's worried about what his friends would think. He also talked about me being able to possibly relate to a man closer to my age - makes me think he's worried I'll leave him for an older man. He also said that he's "either all in or not at all" when it comes to relationships (I suggested that if it didn't work we remain friends). He didn't want to hurt my feelings in that way if he couldn't totally be in it with me. Is he talking about leading me on? Or is he looking for a commitment? He did talk about how he's looking for a long-term relationship now. Ugh! Analysis paralysis! Help me! What do you think? Any suggestions on what to do?

The upside to all of this is that we've already been able to ascertain each other's level of interest in the relationship and see how we calmly, rationally deal with conflict. He was pleasantly surprised at how the conversation went. I don't like drama, I'd rather deal with our opposing viewpoints as the rational adults we are deep down inside, ya know? So, if this continues, I think we've laid some great groundwork for relating to one another in the future.

I appreciate your insights, as I'm still new at this Cougar thing.

[EclectiCath]

It can be a tricky thing since the dynamic is now more common. I naturally attracted younger and still get smiles glances and a few raised eyebrows in public. I am 51 and youthful and these are guys in their 20's! I also was on a street corner and was complimented on my blond bun and sunglasses. This is all an experiment. I had a weekend stay with someone, 27 from facebook over a year ago. Miss hospitality and sightseeing I was even premium steak and whiskey. He also disappeared and I unfriended and questioned him and try to let him know if he may had told me to go our separate ways.

[aliasangel]

It could be the end of it; and that's okay. You can't control how someone else feels, thinks, etc., and over analyzing things keeps you in a negative loop. You can however work with your own feelings.

Turn your attention to what's good in your life at the moment and chill. Find things to appreciate and have fun. Like attracts like....if things don't work out with this guy it's just making room for someone else who will be a better match

[elfprincess]

This is not a recent thread but this situation is fairly common.

For a lot of younger guys the older/younger dynamic is basically a fantasy. They can sustain this online, no problem, via cam ideally (ideally for THEM, that is!). They don't have to meet up, they don't have to go out on a public date, they don't have to explain anything to anyone. Safe, clean, distant - free NSA fun.

When it comes to making this fantasy real the guys can get cold feet. They don't want their parents or family to find out, and they certainly don't want their friends to know. Why not? Because if they were to start dating an older woman 'properly' - spending time together, going out etc. - their friends might think them a bit weird. They probably wouldn't understand a young guy really wanting to be with a much older woman, full or even part-time.

It may just be that he didn't fully think it through, but once he had, he realised it WAS mostly a fantasy and an online thing, and not something he truly wanted to get into in real life. At least he got back to you with some kind of explanation. He could just have vanished as so many do when they've had time to think things over.

We are the mature ones, the ones with experience of life. We have to be understanding at times, particularly when a younger man chickens out. Probably best to just let go.