Difficulty with the future

[KnowHope]

Hello,

My name is Justin and i have a problematic situation. It's concerning the relationship that i currently have and my future/our future.

I've never asked her age, but i can estimate that she may be double and more my senior. That's where the problem lies. I just want to have a future that is quite set with the "whole shebang". The house, the car, the kids, the BBQ, that's pretty much all i ever need.

I don't want to play the guessing game, but at this point, you guys would see the problem.

Thanks

[drazic1986]

As you have said that you want a future that is set, it is only fair that you are truthful with this lady regarding how you feel.. Failure to do so now will only result in leading on, as well as ensuring increased hurt emotions later on.

[_CougarHunting_]

If you can't tell for yourself how old this person is and that is your main concern your already in trouble

I, already know a question you could ask to determine her age with out ruining it but in my opinion. I, won't even say it.

My opinion get to know the person to see if your really interested in them or not and make sure they feel the same. I, wouldn't worry about the small thing's.

[drazic1986]

I was going to mention not knowing the ladies age but the hassle of using a phone...

How long have you been in this relationship for, exactly?

[KnowHope]

Originally Posted by _CougarHunting_

If you can't tell for yourself how old this person is and that is your main concern your already in trouble

I, already know a question you could ask to determine her age with out ruining it but in my opinion. I, won't even say it.

My opinion get to know the person to see if your really interested in them or not and make sure they feel the same. I, wouldn't worry about the small thing's.

I don't ask peoples age. It doesn't change anything for me.

She likes me a lot. This is not a small thing, it's a BIG thing.

Originally Posted by drazic1986

I was going to mention not knowing the ladies age but the hassle of using a phone...

How long have you been in this relationship for, exactly?

I've been with her on and off for 3-4 months.

[drazic1986]

Thanks for further info, what a predicament, do you stay with the lady and give up your chances of children, or do you break up with the lady with the view of another relationship including children..

I often think I've had a few harsh decisions..

[houstoncougar]

ahhh guys ask her if she is interested in having any children or more children then if that's your plan for your future and you don't love her enough to give up the idea of your own children tell her the truth and end the relationship. See wasn't that easy? The truth is always the best way to go.

[redfyre]

I had a baby at 40. Fell pregnant easily, and had a no-problem pregnancy. I know other women have had babies at even later ages. On the other hand, all the women I know who have had fertility issues, and pregnancy problems (including serial miscarriages) have all been in their twenties, when those things happened.

My point is, you can dump your older woman, and pick out a younger one to give give you your family....and then find out she can't have babies. Fertility is an escalating issue in industrialised societies, for a number of reasons, and youth is not an infallible guarantee that a woman has a fully functional uterus. So, unless you plan to get your uterus pregnant before putting a ring on her finger, you could end up with a dud.

And of course, roughly 50% of marriages end in divorce. Which means you might find a functional uterus, get it to spit out a couple of babies...and then end up with you being a part-time father a few years down the track.

It is not very pleasant to be a member of a specific gender in a society that values that gender on the basis of its fecundity. This is why women who find out they are infertile struggle with the news so much - because they have just been effectively told they are not real women, according to society. That, no matter what they have to offer as an individual in a relationship, it all pales to insignificance compared to their ability to reproduce.

This is one of the reasons I admire the younger men who proclaim they are hard-wired for older women. Because, in essence, they are saying they are looking at women in terms of who they are as people, and not based on whether they are mechanically sound.

What the OP really needs to decide is whether the person he shares his life with, is more important than his need to live to a pre-ordained plan. If he really loves children, there are alternatives to producing your own. Foster agencies in all western countries are screaming out for good foster parents. Some people adopt orphans from third world countries. There are a lot of children already in existence who desperately need families. It is possible to have your older woman and children too.

[houstoncougar]

Like I said ask her if she wants children... first if she doesn't than none of the above matters does it? I also asked if he could give up the idea of his having his own children meaning being the biological father since that's the only way the other options could or would work if the woman even wants to be a mother or a mother again. COMMUNICATION is the key word here since you won't know unless you actually talk to her about it.

[_CougarHunting_]

I've never asked her age, but i can estimate that she may be double and more my senior. That's where the problem lies. I don't ask peoples age. It doesn't change anything for me.

Then why is it a problem ?.

So she like's you it's a big thing then to you it's a good thing then maybe you should take this further. Be more adventerous your not going to get very far by always playing it safe. Always asking " what if " I, have children the house the bbq so on and so forth. You'll be grey haired by that time. Sometime's you can't have everything you want the way you will see it with this person. You have to be open to options you've never considered. You came here to open your mind and expand your horizon's but you must be willing to chart the unknown possiblities of existance with the person you plan to be spend your life with.