Waiting all alone at "OUR" new apartment!

[cynders]

I recently moved out of my apartment in San Francisco due to the high cost of rent and i moved back to Sacramento to be closer to my work. When I told my 23 yr old boyfriend, (of almost 1 year) initially that I was moving back home which is about 100 miles away. He asked, "What about me?" and I told him that he could come with me and we could live together. He replied ok and we got everything set up and went apartment hunting together and put a deposit down on a great place. Well, i moved in June 1st, and now I sit all alone in "our" new apartment cause he says that he isn't going to move up until he has a job in place and that he should be moving up within A MONTH!!!. Which of course I understand the job thing, but he has had 3 months to look for one. Now he has bought me a beautiful promise ring, he calls me everynite to talk for an hour and he texts me throughout the day, but he doesn't seem to be very proactive in looking for a new job so that he can move up here with me. And before I left he usually spent about 5 nights a week with me at my old apartment. So, i'm sorta baffled here by his actions as of late. Anybody care to share some insight on this one. I know this is a major step for a young guy to move away from home for the 1st time, but I guess I just thought he would have moved WITH me on moving day!

I empathize with you cynders. It would seem he isn't ready to "cut the cord" completely. There seems to be a real lack of motivation on the part of many of these guys with regard to "convenience." Seems as long as it's convenient for them, it's ok. Ask them to step out of their "comfort zone" and they seem to panic and run. I don't get it. I was already out on my own for 6 years by the time I was 23.

This "extended adolesence" that most of these guys seem to be in the grip of is annoying and disconcerting. I would suggest you keep moving on with your life. If he really wants to be there with you, he'll get it together and show up. If not, at least your life is still on track.
Best Of Luck To You!
RR

Dear Cynders:

I truly hope that everything works out for you. You seem like such a nice lady who deserves the best that life has to offer. Maybe speak with your boyfriend and explain how you feel. He is an adult. When I was 23, my word meant something. (I used to work 16 hour shifts at a state psych facility and on my days off, I went to school. I literally put myself through college. My word meant something. But I noticed the dating world has changed so much). Maybe point out to your boyfriend that a person is as good as his or her word. I can sense from your post that you are hurting inside. I know how that feels, too. To deal with these kind of stressors, I go to the spa and also I try to ballance dating life with other things like hanging out with the girls, writing and doing things that are fun. Do something fun to life your spirits, be your own best friend and do let him know how you feel. Remember, you are a cougar goddess and you deserve the best in life. I also feel you deserve a hug today!

Yours truly,
Sabrina

Also mention that a promise ring means something special to you.
I feel love is precious. To find someone who loves you is
not easy and I hope your boyfriend realizes how precious
you are. I think he needs to wake up and to be more mature.
Maturity has nothing to do with age. I dated men in their 50's
who were as mature as a 3 year old. Maturity in a relationship
is putting value in it and backing it up with positive
action and respect. Good luck in all that you do and God bless!

[cynders]

Hi Sabrinaswinter,

Thank you for replying, as you can see not many have.

Well, a small update is that he came for a visit about 10 days ago for 3 nights and when he left he said that soon he would move up by the end July he tells me now.
He says he really misses me but just wants to get some things in order 1st. So I guess I will be patient and wait it out to see if actually keeps to his word THIS TIME!
Get this, ONE of his main reasons for not moving up were cuz he thought that i would suffocate him and not give him his alone time to play his video games!
OMG!!! Is that just way too funny or what???
I told him you have got to be kidding, is that the best you could come up with? (I mean is he 23 or 16 here?) I'm beginning to think the latter. hehe

After I explained to him that I need my alone time too for journaling, reading working out and bike riding, I think I got thru to him that I wasn't always going to be on him like he thinks that I am. I think that he finally saw the light (so to speak). SO... i will keep everyone updated if he actually makes the 100 mile move east. Thanks for your MUCH NEEDED support! : )

[cynders]

Update!!!
Well, My 23 Year Old Kept To His Word And Did Move In With Me Back On July 27th. : )

Now The Hard Part Begins, He Has Been With Me Now For A Week And We Are Already Having Adjustment Pains. I Guess Thats Normal Tho!

I'm Just Happy That He Finally Made The Move And That We Made It To The 1 Year Mark In Our Relationship! : )

[jackfrost]

When you and your bf went looking for apartments, did he look at the local newspapers for a job? Maybe pick one up while y'all were up there? I'll admit, finding a decent job where I live is difficult (small town). But I believe that in three months he should have been able to find something.

Did either one of you consider it a major issue of him moving in without having a job? For now, he could at least find some sort of a job. It doesn't have to be his career. At least he could have some income flowing in. As he gets more familiar in the area and does some networking, he could then search for a better-paying job.

Sounds as if you want everything at once to me and that the other women agree because they expect complete compliance from a younger guy. "cut the cord" was an interesting statement made, made laughable by the fact the woman who said it is on a site looking for younger guys (bit selective there eh?). The guy seems as if he has the intention to be with you, but as yet isn't happy with the idea of upping sticks, moving away to a place he knows no too well and setting up a "life" with you without first securing a job that offers him security. Just because he hasn't gone running eyes shut and head down all of a sudden he is at fault?. seems as if this guy has his head screwed on (also calls everyday, texts all day, buys gifts). You seem to have found a diamond there, give the guy a chance to make a mistake before deciding what he's up to for him.

[cynders]

UPDATE!
Well we have completed living together now for 1 MONTH and WHEW what a rocky month this has been. Everyday has been a rollercoaster ride with him, I sure hope that this upcoming month will get better. He is still looking for work, which doesn't help the situation. At least I have gotten him to agree to NO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES ON SUNDAYS and to limit his use to a couple of hours per day. He starts college fulltime on Sept. 10th so I am hoping that will help, I am optimistic! : )