On the subject of morals, and expectations

Well here I am, a new young man fresh from nowhere...here to meet and make friends with (and maybe more then friends) with women twice my age. But as much as I want to forge something meaningful with someone older then me, I can't help but wonder if its really the right thing to do or if I'm ready for that kind of relationship...if any kind at all.


Morally at least from my perspective it feels like a taboo or something sexually motivated because I do enjoy the thought of being with an older woman but its not the only reason I have interest. I can see myself dating a woman in her 30s, 40s or even 50s & 60s. Its just hard to do when you grow up thinking its not "normal". I can only imagine the looks on half my families' faces if I brought a 45 year old cougar and told them we were dating. It seems like its meant to be a secret more then it is anything else, but thats just a perspective, I'm sure plenty would disagree hence why I ask here. ^^;


The other issue of course is if I'm worth any woman's time, if I meet her expectations. Not because of looks or personality but but along the lines of my own maturity. Although I do pride myself with having a pretty mature and responsible approach in life, I know I'm still just a kid with kid interests like...videogames and anime, hell I still live with my dad but were more like roomates now since we share bills. Heh...


Both those reasons and a few others are what have always discouraged me from dating anyone older then 25. But I cant help but wonder if there really that valid, if at all. Both the pros and cons always seemed weak hence why I ask here. So any thoughts? (and yes Im aware some of this could make good profile material)

I heard about that, ugly business it is, I hope my family doesn't do the same thing.

Luckily the family I live with would never have a problem with it, they'd probably be surprised at first but laugh it off later with a few jokes. My mother and her side however would be tons more critical about it though, they tore my brother apart for dating a girl 3 years older then him I can only imagine the fight theyd put up if start dating anyone over 30. ><"

Yeah, templar, many many kudos to you for your careful introspection!!

Hehe, but hey, at least you can't be burnt at the stake for your beliefs/practices anymore!!

On a serious note though, while it's not exactly the same thing, maybe it'll help. My Dad's side of the family has ALWAYS been really snobby and waspy. You know the type, repressed New England preppies... ug.
Anyways, my sister and I were born when my Dad was still in college, he and my mom split up, and he eventually got remarried and had a bunch of kids with his second wife. My sister and I have, ever since we were just little tots, worked so hard to gain the approval and acceptance of my Dad and his side of the family. Well, in my adulthood I've finally come to the conclusion that this endevour is utterly fruitless; they will never accept anyone else for who they are because they haven't accepted themselves. Yet, by refusing to compromise or apologize for who I am, I've seperated those people who really truly care to have me in their life from those who don't.

My point is simply, don't ever be afraid to stand up for what you believe is right for you. If your head and your heart guide you in a direction, go for it. The reality is hardly ever as scary as the worst-case scenario that's been playing out in your head.

Stay up, playa!

I read your post and thought I would let you know that when I was 39 I met and started dating a 21 year old. Long story short,my family wasn't too happy about the idea. But,we both knew we were crazy about each other and we weren't going to let this affect us. Although after 3 years together,we did break up, but he and I still talk and are very good friends.He still talks about getting back together. My family still asks about him. My point is,if I gave in,I would of missed out on something great. Two of my aunts married men 20 years younger than themselves and are still together!
I still prefer younger and know men my age just don't do it for me for a whole bunch of reasons. Stay true to yourself. You are happy when you live the life you were born to live. Get out there,have fun and have confidence it will all work out. BTW,my family now expects a younger man to be in my life. It's now a no brainer. Good luck to you.

Yes, I agree with all the posters here. If I had let "norms" dictate to me, I would have missed out on some glorious times with several wonderful younger men. Now, I am faced with a similar situation and feel an enormous attraction to someone who would represent the biggest agegap I have experienced yet. It's scary, yet exhilarating at the same time and it seems he may be feeling similarly toward me. Even though I feel trepidation, I will most likely proceed anyway....lol. Good luck to all of you! May you find your hearts' desire regardless of their "age."

RR

[lilith]

Hi Templar,

I think it's wonderful that you're questioning the morals and dictates of society, because the only thing that really matters at the end of the day, is how do YOU feel? What's really in your heart? If you are drawn to older women, sure sex can be a part of it (we all hope so!), but maybe it's that you really can see us and appreciate us in a different way, a way that means so much to us too.

And you know, it's the same thing in reverse, people wondering why we are interested in younger guys. Personally, I really don't care what they think because they haven't lived my life. I've really considered this a lot, and am very clear now about why I want to date younger men. (more on that another time if there's interest)

It isn't about the end result - it isn't about marriage etc. It's about two people who know they are attracted, and follow their hearts.

My advice, if I may give it, is to keep questioning your values, but really look deep inside and find what you KNOW to be true. And that will always lead you to wonderful experiences, and great relationships.

It really really is OK to be attracted to older women - and for us to be attracted to younger men. There are many many reasons, and it's up to us to find the positives and make it work, however we want. It's time for new formulas for relationship!

Good luck!