Long Distance Relationships

[i_sing_4u]

As some of you may be aware, I am going through some trauma regarding a long distance relationship. He says he is totally committed to me, and yet his actions speak volumes of prior commitments. He is almost never there on weekends, and he only contacts me about once a week, if I'm lucky. He says his father is sick, but has never asked me for money, so I know he is not a scammer in that sense of the word.

I just don't know what to do at this point. I'm weary of trying to break it off with him, only to be met with attempts to get back with me. Once he knows he's safe, he backs off again and I don't hear from him for days...sometimes weeks. I find myself feeling depressed, and I'm not usually a sad kind of person. I've accused him of using emotional blackmail to get back with me, only to be met with a combination of flattery and accusations. How do I break free from him?

[bigglesworth]

Tough one, to be sure. Do you really want him manipulating you like this, because it sounds like he is doing just that. Manipulators are sooooooo good at making you feel guilty and second guess your original feelings. Be firm, tell him what you want and don't want, and stick with it, even if you think you are going to to break. It is the only way to free yourself from his control.

[redfyre]

Originally Posted by i_sing_4u

I find myself feeling depressed, and I'm not usually a sad kind of person.

I think this is the most important sentence from your whole post. Obviously, this relationship is not working for you, and since you say that you have discussed it with the other person numerous times, and he has made no effort to change...then I don't think he is going to. Why stay unhappy?

As for cutting him off, I'd do exactly that. If you try and do the civilised thing, and let him know, he is probably just going to try and sweet-talk you into putting up with him for even longer. Just block him on everything and move on. No-one should have to be miserable in a relationship.

[jasonm519]

The question is, how old is he?

[i_sing_4u]

Originally Posted by jasonm519

The question is, how old is he?

He's nearly 30 years old Jason, so he's young but should have things figured out by now.

Thank you all for making me think about this. You're right Redfyre...whenever I try to TELL him I want to break it off, he sweet talks me into sticking around. I believe he enjoys the drama, but it's so over the top that it's not just about the tension of new romance anymore.

I'm not ready to cut him off just yet, but this time, I WILL ignore him when he finally shows up...and he will. Maybe he just needs to be shown that I'm not always gonna be there if he keeps treating me badly.

If that doesn't work, I will do just as you've said...block block block!

[jasonm519]

Originally Posted by i_sing_4u

He's nearly 30 years old Jason, so he's young but should have things figured out by now.

haha alright, I was in a similar situation but I was just too young to understand what was going on. At 30 he has no execuse and what everyone said here is correct.

[lynda]

This sounds like another in your past and it was a sick parent also, with his actions made you depressed. Girl, kick this one in Wales to the curb and move on. He is not making you happy and there is someone else that will.

[bigglesworth]

I have to agree with Lynda on this one, sounds like he is keeping you hanging on, in case other things don't work out. You don't need the aggravation.

[wetnwild]

I sing, I know we have talked about this before on here. I was in a LD relationship last year and after that one ended, I swore off LDR's. My guy would call me every single day, but when it came to me going to visit him he always had an excuse why that weekend or whatever wouldn't work out (and he couldn't come visit me since he is in the Military, unless he was on leave). Although he was the one that eventually ended it, I knew months before that, that I should be the one to end it. It hurt like hell for a long time afterwards and I really missed those daily phone calls. But you have to remember one thing. Men will treat us how we ALLOW them to treat us. Your guy keeps backing off because you are still there for him when he does that. You may not ever know why he does that....I never figured out with my guy why he wouldn't let me visit him, but in the long run the reasons why don't matter. It is what it is and you are not happy. You deserve to be happy and it sounds like as long as you are hanging onto him that you won't be. Sadly.

If I were in your shoes, I would start looking around for someone new, and maybe that will make the break easier for you.

[sonia]

I really don't want to sound mean but I think it is unrealistic to think of being 'in a relationship' with someone you have never met and who is thousands of miles away, and especially as it sounds like there is no prospect of meeting in the near future. I am sure he likes the attention he gets from you but at the end of the day he is a young guy and his first priority, in my opinion anyway, is going to be the real world ie. work, family, friends, socialising. In fact wouldn't it be a bit sad if he spent every waking moment at his computer? Any young person I have come across who spends a lot of their time living their life 'virtually' so to speak always seem a little strange. What you have is an illusion which sounds like it will never become a reality. If you stop talking to him completely you will miss him but you will get over it, and so will he.