relationships(never easy)

[juniormint]

Ladies,

When entering a relationship with a younger man, do you find it necessary to meet the individuals family? The reason I ask is that I've been put in a couple extremely uncomfortable situations to say the least. My mother doesn't agree with cross generational relationships and while I respect her opinion I also believe that its not her business(to an extent). I also believe that before you enter a committed relationship its imperative to know each others family. While I'd like for my mother to have somewhat of a functioning relationship with whoever my girlfriend might be (regardless of her age), I'm also not opposed to excluding her all together from my love life if I'm going to catch **** for it or be the subject of gossip between her and her friends. Any opinions, comments or relative situations will be appreciated.

[lynda]

It is never easy in an age gap relationship when it comes to the families. I am very much into family so me and any man I am with must be able to be with our families together. I know that mothers want the best for their children but need to look at their happiness. I was in a relationship for 7yrs with someone 30yrs younger and we both had close family ties and included the other. It is possible to have a great relationship. My bf only said good things about me and explained that I made him happy. A mother knows when her son is being treated well and happy. My son dated older women in his younger years and if they were good to him then I accepted who they were. On the flipside there is women and men that do not want their families to know at all.

[wetnwild]

Juniormint, I haven't actually ever been in a situation where I was needing to meet the younger man's family, but I will just say this. I do not care what ANYONE else thinks of my relationships with younger men. If they are going to be disapproving of something that makes me happy, they can just be disapproving of it. I don't need anyone else's approval. It is my life and not theirs. Having said that, I am sure it must be quite a bit harder to be the younger person in the relationship and to try to explain it to your parents. I do know of a young man who lives with his older gf and her daughter and when his mother found out she was livid beyond belief! Well the fact that the woman also used to be a friend of hers may have had something to do with it too. But we don't always have to agree with what our parents want for us. In the end, I would hope that your mother would be happy as long as you are happy!

[lynda]

Oh WW, I must tell the story of my Canadian; seems it fits here.

Juniormint, I met a young guy on another cougar site and we seem to hit it off and started communicating and did for a long time. But his mother picked up on some emails we had written. Well she wrote me an email and told him she was disappointed in him so I told him I was not going to effect his family in anyway. But we could not stay away from talking to each other. He was even going to leave home and come here to Texas and I stopped that because of respect for his family. His father was a minster and mother a professional business woman and she comes from money. They did look down on any kind of age gap relationship. The kicker to that is his mother was friends with a 15yr old boy that lived next door because they both loved plants and would talk for hours. The kid planted something else and now going to be a father and moved in. Now the mother judged us but yet she destroyed her marriage and messed up all her kids mentally so if I had it to do over I would allow my young man to come here and the heck with his mother. So you see sometimes you go with your heart and not your gut....

[wetnwild]

Although Lynda, having heard this story before, I have a feeling that if you had allowed your young man to stay with you his mother would have blamed YOU for her getting pregnant by the 15 year old next door. You know, you caused her such emotional turmoil when her son left to be with you that you drove her to it, blah, blah.

[red_star1979]

Can you say statutory rape? :P

[lynda]

WW that is a very good point I had not thought of it.

red star, there was a multitude of things said; totally messed up a family.

[bayridgebabe]

Originally Posted by red_star1979

Can you say statutory rape? :P

Red_star we covered that topic a long time ago when Lynda first blogged about this guys mother's situation.

We all thought she was a sick B ITCH + a few more thing I can't type because all you will see is *** *** ** *****.
YES we all know about statutory Rape.

[juniormint]

WW & lynda,
Thank you for seeing where I'm coming from, sometimes I really do feel like parents make things harder.

[i_sing_4u]

Being a parent myself, I can empathize with the feelings they must have towards these relationships. One of my daughters has been dating an older man off and on for years, and the only concern I have is HER concern. I don't agree with it simply because SHE is having second thoughts as he gets more serious. I'm worried for her happiness only because of her fears. I guess what I'm trying to say is that once your parents realize you are serious about someone who is making you very happy, they will naturally want you to follow your heart, or at least there will be some reasonable form of acceptance. Of course, you shouldn't have to seek anyone's approval and neither do I....but if YOU act like you need it, they figure you're not grownup enough to make that decision. However, until the relationship becomes serious, where you both decide you want to do more than just date, it's really none of their business, as long as you are free and of legal age.