Looking for more than one partner....

[laine175]

Ok since I've been on the forums it seems a lot of discussions revolve around the rights and wrongs of cheating....either in marriage or with a partner....for me it seems pretty black and white...I DON'T WANT TO BE SECOND BEST TO ANYONE!!....for others it seems it's a grey area and both sexes have varying views. I hate to judge it's not something I feel comfortable with I have 3 kids and 2 are gay so I have fought a lot of battles over preconcieved ideas but with this subject I just can't seem to see the other side of the argument....maybe because after 22yrs of marriage I found out my now ex hubby had been having an affair for 2yrs....I didn't find the choice to leave easy but...you know what I think I'm worth more than the deceit, lies and hurt that cheating inevitably brings. Can someone please tell me why at any point it's....OK....

[lynda]

Laine, it is NEVER ok! I personally do not want to be the OTHER woman or MISTRESS because I do think more of myself than that. The people that come on here that are attached are always so surprised when they get negative replies to their threads and posts. I am not saying that might not be some people's cup of tea but for me I will always give them negative feedback.

[vita]

No I don't like it either. Who wants to be part of a setup, before it's even begun, which involves deceit and lies? Besides which, there's an obvious question...if they cheat on one person, why wouldn't they cheat on you (assuming it all becomes serious one day)?

If it's all open and above board and the person is in an "open relationship" then that's slightly different. But these seem rare in straight couples. I'm not sure about these either but at least there's no dishonestly to contend with. Who wants to be someone's side dish when they already have their main course?

I'm not interested in anything serious but, at the same time, I don't want to be involved in anything ...shady, is probably the word.

Anyone who watches Jeremy Kyle knows where being involved with someone who's cheated gets someone - perpetually insecure during the relationship because people start thinking that, because they cheated with them, they'll cheat *on* them.

PS Jeremy kyle might be a specific UK cultural reference - sorry, if so I am sure you all have similar reality shows so you'll know what I mean

[houstoncougar]

I like that side dish main course description vita! But nope, I don't want to be anyone's drive by **** while someone else gets the rest.

[laine175]

Everything thats been said I absolutely agree with, it's surely about self respect and all the excuses that I hear...I'm there for the kids....It's financial....it's complicated....he's doing it too...it's BULL you always have a choice, and staying and cheating is just as much a choice and selfish..because more people stand to hurt and used by staying in the marriage. Having your cake and eating it is just spoilt behaviour and teaches children it's ok to lie and deceive because even if you hide it from them when they are young..(lie, deceive) then at some point when they are older they will probably find out!!

Ok off my soap box now I guess each to there own but for me it will always be NO...

[funtobewith]

Laine U are right I don't like to cheat or to be cheated
If someone starts to feel like he can cheat that means that something starts to end and instead of hurting someone he should break up with his wife or girl friend to be honest to himself. Just sex based cheating does not worth to have that bad feeling when u are alone

[wetnwild]

Originally Posted by laine175

and all the excuses that I hear...I'm there for the kids....It's financial....it's complicated....he's doing it too...it's BULL you always have a choice, and staying and cheating is just as much a choice and selfish..

Oh God, I could not agree more with this statement!! I have been a single mom since my daughter was 1 1/2 and she is 17 now. My ex husband was cheating on me and I was having NONE of that. I get SOOOO sick of those EXCUSES too from men AND women. Yeah, it's always a bit complicated to get divorced and YES, finances are going to be difficult. SO FREAKING WHAT?!? And staying for the kids....yeah that's great for the kids to see mom and dad arguing all the time and being unhappy with each other!!

Far too many people take "the easy way" out and stay in the relationship and just cheat instead. Put on the big girl panties or grow some cahonas and do the RIGHT thing. My life has never been easy, raising my daughter by myself, but I have been happier and it has made me a MUCH stronger person!! And you can make your own financial situation better if just TRY a little. Ok, off MY soapbox now.

[8ball]

I can't see why anyone would purposefully hurt another person without reason. Wouldn't it be better just to call it off with one person and pursue another?

[laine175]

I hear ya WW It financially crippled me but I'd rather be poor with my self respect, and my kids knowing the consequences would NEVER hurt people in their lives in the same way having seen the destruction first hand I'd rather be alone than live a lie and hurt myself and other people.

[phxgirl1]

Cheating is a no go with me. My first husband did it along with his friends, they were older and their wives dealt with it. I didn't. I found out later that most of those wives had stds and many bouts of depression and binges with alcohol. What a sad way to live. I chose not to live that life and he had a hard time understanding it. He ended up with the bank teller that we did business with and I'm sure she's thinking, he messed with me while married, who's to say he isn't with someone else. I hope she is thinking that to this day and living a ****ty life! No regrets for me, but it is nice to think of once in awhile about their ****py life. My revenge is that she got a husband who doesn't know about being faithful, poor girl. Buahahahahahaha.