How do you deal with other people's reactions to your age gap?

[gemelmay]

Hi guys,

I'm a 33 year old single mum dating a 20 year old guy for the past 3 months. We're absolutely head over heels for each other. The only downer is other people's reactions (friends and family) to our relationship. I was wondering how other cougars/cubs have dealt with this and what advice you might have?

[lynda]

Hi gemelmay welcome to the forum.
I was in a relationship for 7yrs with someone 30yrs younger and you have to become very tough on the outside. Your attitude is what convinces friends and family. You have to remember that these friends and family are only concerned that neither one of you get hurt. The old saying is, actions speck louder than words, so if they observe that this is a good relationship then eventually they understand. Me and my bf never treated each other like there was an age gap so people just observed us happy and enjoying each others company. For an age gap relationship to work you have get an attitude of ....This is my life and his; you (family and friends) just have to trust my judgement and love me for my decisions. My mother used to say....if you can live with them I can live around them. Good luck and enjoy what you have.

[chilledice]

In all honesty its about your ' perception' of this reality and not theirs! i would deal with their reactions to the age gap the same way id deal with their negative reactions to everything in life! and thats ignoring it, easier said than done i do know but at the end of the day if two people come together and their both adults then who cares? i sure dont! A) not their business, B) not their relationship and C) if their that concerned about AGE then i suggest their very insecure people who are afraid to branch out of the 'norm'! what is the ' norm' anyway? its peoples IDEAS on what is right and what is wrong, what is acceptable and what is not! i say stuff them!

[stzonline]

Much like lynda said.

Most reactions from close friends and family just stem out of the same place: that they would like to believe they know what is best for you. At the end of the day, there are only ever two people in a relationship. That never changes.

I don't think there is any answer to "dealing" with it. If it's a good relationship and you're both learning from being together rather than apart, it will show to those that care to pay attention. They may even turn supportive. And if they don't, as long as the two of you are on the same page you just have to push forward with your own program together.

[lunamor]

Originally Posted by chilledice

In all honesty its about your ' perception' of this reality and not theirs! i would deal with their reactions to the age gap the same way id deal with their negative reactions to everything in life! and thats ignoring it, easier said than done i do know but at the end of the day if two people come together and their both adults then who cares? i sure dont! A) not their business, B) not their relationship and C) if their that concerned about AGE then i suggest their very insecure people who are afraid to branch out of the 'norm'! what is the ' norm' anyway? its peoples IDEAS on what is right and what is wrong, what is acceptable and what is not! i say stuff them!

Yeah of course, I reached that stage eventually but during the first year I felt very self-conscious from all the stares.

[houstoncougar]

go guys, let me buy the both of you a beer!!! Great advice and I wholeheartedly agree.

[mizbehavin]

As do I. It's not THEIR relationship, it's yours. And I wouldn't think that 13 years would raise too many eyebrows...mine's 24 years

[gypsyred]

I can't wait to test it out! Workin on it!

[gemelmay]

Thanks for all the advice. We don't know any other cougar/cub couples yet so it has felt like we've been weathering the storm alone! The worst offenders have been his parents and my father. They refuse to give us their blessing. They have said that I'm ruining his life and that I'm living in a dream world because it will never work. It's great to hear support from the c/c camp!

[chilledice]

Originally Posted by gemelmay

Thanks for all the advice. We don't know any other cougar/cub couples yet so it has felt like we've been weathering the storm alone! The worst offenders have been his parents and my father. They refuse to give us their blessing. They have said that I'm ruining his life and that I'm living in a dream world because it will never work. It's great to hear support from the c/c camp!

Really dont think of it as weathering the storm! just ignore them, i know its difficult but it gets easier as time goes by and as while ofcourse its nice to have our family give their ' blessings' its not a necessity for the relationship to survive seriously just stop trying to please others, the love you two have for eachother is all that counts now go grab a beer and chill lol