Interesting question....

[bluesybil_ll]

meh, tried to quote but the script was flicking me nonsense...doesn't like my browser I guess and I'm working on something in this one so too bad, I'll do it the old fashioned way for now

" Ha, yeah it did. The part about friendship made the most sense, and that's what I was touching upon. If you'd learned fifty things about someone and liked every one of them, then it'd be a finicky person to throw the baby out with the bathwater upon finding one negative aspect, insignificant or not."

Overall I agree with this but realistically it really to me depends on exactly what one that thing was. I've learned that there are some negatives are so big as to negate the positives of a relationship be it friendship or otherwise.
::g:: what I learned about my ex husband being a prime example of that little lesson.

" Since the 'net, mobile phones, and other forms of detached communication [you were saying about "kind of Zen"? *L*], the idea of [near] instantaneous communication has grown a tumor of demanding near instantaneous satisfaction."

::g:: kinda reminds me of when I caught myself in the supermarket becoming annoyed because some microwavable frozen entree or another took 10 whole minutes to cook..I reminded myself of when a tv dinner would take an hour or more in the oven and it didn't phase me in the least because it was a lot faster than cooking from scratch...

Gee but we've gotten spoiled... lmao

Yes, our society on the whole has become an immediate gratification one and it is most definitely to the detriment of our personal interactions. On one hand technology allows us to interact with people we would otherwise never have a chance to meet. On the other it also creates this weird distance between people so they don't have to or are unable to connect sometimes. And the ease with which we can hide our real selves makes it difficult to get to know people if they are inclined towards dishonesty. Our ability to assess a person or relationship is greatly impaired by the very thing that brings us together. ::g:: wow the zen is really flying here

" If we're constantly qualifying other people from some self-appointed pedestal, then ultimately there's going to be a lot of dissatisfaction: a colossal amount, that surpasses the small let-down you might have felt from that one negative thing you didn't like about a person versus the fifty things you did."

That has to do with Idealizing to the point where one becomes unable to connect I think. And to a good extent I blame the media for that. We are constantly fed these "perfect" people, places, lives what have you...reality can in no way shape or form live up to that Ideal. They used to call it the Cinderella syndrome, not sure what the male counterpart of it is called, but I know for a fact that it exists as well.

So yes, I agree there are some people who have such a perfected Ideal of what a partner is supposed to be there is no room for the reality of an actual human being. And I find that to be very sad.

[lunamor]

It's not just the desire for immediate gratification that contributes to all this: virtual dating, profiles etc also makes us all seem a bit like commodities to select, rather than people to know.

[tacittales]

Sorry about the inordinately long posts, but it's hard to keep track if I don't quote. I have enough trouble sticking to one tangent as it is *g*

Originally Posted by bluesybil_ll

Overall I agree with this but realistically it really to me depends on exactly what one that thing was. I've learned that there are some negatives are so big as to negate the positives of a relationship be it friendship or otherwise. ::g:: what I learned about my ex husband being a prime example of that little lesson.

Understandably, yes, it would be a given to back out if the negative was significant enough.

Hypothetically:

You meet a guy and hit it off; love everything about him. He is youthful-looking, charming, tall, professional and has all the aspects that are idealised. You're chuckling away, talking about bad photos you've been in when he pulls out his license, showing an embarrassing image of him. You glance at his ID and notice that he's three or four years older than the maximum age you've stipulated in your own mind for a suitor.

Do you compromise here? I keep digging at this because if it's expected that a younger guy [and you can switch the roles of male/female; the effect is the same] will not react negatively to a woman of say, 51 instead of 46, then it has to cut both ways. Obvious legality and moral issues aside, for the most part it's a matter of whether the people gel and genuinely appreciate each other's company, not whether the numbers together add up to something psychologically satisfying. If we're so adamant about sticking to these standards, then when something comes along about ourselves that isn't perfect [and let's face it, none of us are], then our suitor/suitress might offer us little mercy either.

Originally Posted by bluesybil_ll

::g:: kinda reminds me of when I caught myself in the supermarket becoming annoyed because some microwavable frozen entree or another took 10 whole minutes to cook..I reminded myself of when a tv dinner would take an hour or more in the oven and it didn't phase me in the least because it was a lot faster than cooking from scratch...

Gee but we've gotten spoiled... lmao

*L* I'm also reminded of a Simpsons episode where Moe starts his own restaurant:

Moe: I got this deep fryer on loan from the U.S. Army. You can roast a buffalo in that in forty seconds.
Homer: Forty seconds? But I want it now!

Originally Posted by bluesybil_ll

Yes, our society on the whole has become an immediate gratification one and it is most definitely to the detriment of our personal interactions. On one hand technology allows us to interact with people we would otherwise never have a chance to meet. On the other it also creates this weird distance between people so they don't have to or are unable to connect sometimes. And the ease with which we can hide our real selves makes it difficult to get to know people if they are inclined towards dishonesty. Our ability to assess a person or relationship is greatly impaired by the very thing that brings us together. ::g:: wow the zen is really flying here

*g* You said it well - we're spoiled. I guess places like this will always have, at least, an element of dishonesty attached to them, even though in all probability we've come across numerous people that'd give their right arm to meet more people like that.

On the spoiled note, I think the extent to which we're pampered reflects just how far we're willing to push our luck in what we expect of everything around us. The example you used of microwavable meals is a good alignment: one of the laws of economics is the law of diminishing marginal utility; the more of something we consume, the less satisfaction we get out of it [of course, there's some things that are exceptions to this rule....].

Originally Posted by bluesybil_ll

That has to do with Idealizing to the point where one becomes unable to connect I think. And to a good extent I blame the media for that. We are constantly fed these "perfect" people, places, lives what have you...reality can in no way shape or form live up to that Ideal. They used to call it the Cinderella syndrome, not sure what the male counterpart of it is called, but I know for a fact that it exists as well.

So yes, I agree there are some people who have such a perfected Ideal of what a partner is supposed to be there is no room for the reality of an actual human being. And I find that to be very sad.

Do you think we're all idealists though, and it's merely a matter of degree?

Re: media, I kind of feel sorry for it in a way. We consume it so ferociously, like some sort of symbiotic parasite, only to turn on it violently after it gives us what we so selfishly demand. Can I ask your take on this?

Originally Posted by lunamor

It's not just the desire for immediate gratification that contributes to all this: virtual dating, profiles etc also makes us all seem a bit like commodities to select, rather than people to know.

It does indeed. Does it strike you as odd that we've all been using consumerist language in the discussion of relationships? It's become ingrained in our thoughts and our language.

Fairly telling, isn't it....

[bluesybil_ll]

sigh...its happening again and I don't have time to figure out the scripting promlem I seem to be having. Forum doesn't seem to like my version of Opera..whatever.

"Sorry about the inordinately long posts, but it's hard to keep track if I don't quote. I have enough trouble sticking to one tangent as it is *g*"

sticking to the what? ::g::

"Hypothetically:

You meet a guy and hit it off; love everything about him. He is youthful-looking, charming, tall, professional and has all the aspects that are idealised. You're chuckling away, talking about bad photos you've been in when he pulls out his license, showing an embarrassing image of him. You glance at his ID and notice that he's three or four years older than the maximum age you've stipulated in your own mind for a suitor.

Do you compromise here? I keep digging at this because if it's expected that a younger guy [and you can switch the roles of male/female; the effect is the same] will not react negatively to a woman of say, 51 instead of 46, then it has to cut both ways. Obvious legality and moral issues aside, for the most part it's a matter of whether the people gel and genuinely appreciate each other's company, not whether the numbers together add up to something psychologically satisfying. If we're so adamant about sticking to these standards, then when something comes along about ourselves that isn't perfect [and let's face it, none of us are], then our suitor/suitress might offer us little mercy either."

This is sort of difficult for me to answer for myself because I really don't have a "type" per se. I have preferences which are more based on personality type, philosophies and perceptions than anything else. Compatibility and connection are my primary concerns. If we got to the point where I felt that I loved everything else about him the obviously those preferences would have already been met.

Reason I even came here in the first place was because a good friend suggested it to me. When I was ready to start dating again and feeling somewhat sulky about the type of men I was encountering, he noticed that I invariably end up involved with men younger than myself and said why don't you look here? Wasn't a matter of my actively seeking younger men, ..we just always tend to get along better...lol
Men my own age or older seem to be far too rigid in their thinking and too set in their ways and my core personality doesn't lend itself well to that. If I ever came across one that was compatible I wouldn't hold his age as a barrier tho.

So no, that wouldn't bother me. I would ask why he felt that he needed to do that and then discuss it. But I certainly wouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water as you said.


" the more of something we consume, the less satisfaction we get out of it [of course, there's some things that are exceptions to this rule....]."

I think the more we get and the more expedient it is, the more apt we are to take it for granted and value it less.
I will use electricity as an example here...how lost are when when the power goes out.


"Do you think we're all idealists though, and it's merely a matter of degree?"

We all have Ideals, I think that's human nature. It is what drives us to strive towards and achieve our goal... however these Ideals must be tempered with Reality.

"Re: media, I kind of feel sorry for it in a way. We consume it so ferociously, like some sort of symbiotic parasite, only to turn on it violently after it gives us what we so selfishly demand. Can I ask your take on this?"

Supply and demand...Which came first The Chicken or the Egg?
Ultimately I think its up to Us to make choices as to how we wish to live our lives.

[tacittales]

*s* Maybe the media is simply a manifestation of our need to gossip and create drama; people wishing for a life less ordinary.

Anyways, you've managed to eek some sense out of it, but I think I could warrant a steward's inquiry if I whip the horse any more.

It's been fun *g*

[bluesybil_ll]

lol! yep brain hurts... ::g::