new here. hello....

[bebejacket]

Im 42 and I just discovered guy of 3 months is 28. I am often mistaken for that age range, based on my appearance. He doesnt know our age diff is so huge. I am stunned myself. I knew he was younger, but didnt know it was 14 years, I was thinking less than 10 yrs difference.

I don't really know where to go from here. There is clearly an attraction, a spark, if you will. He is sweet and affectionate and he seems to have his act together. Inside I'm hoping it doesn't matter to him (based on the fact he's not asked how old I am), but also afraid he'll take off, or the relationship will deteriorate if I tell the truth.

help

One of my girlfriends is married to a man 14 years younger [just celebrated their 1st wedding anniversary] and they couldn't be happier. She's 43 and he's 29. Its only important how the two of YOU feel. I do, though, find it rather odd that in 3 months time you haven't discussed your ages. How did you find out he is 28? Why do you automatically assume he doesn't already know your age and just hasn't said anything? And above all else... your relationship will go nowhere fast if you keep hiding things from him, each other. ALWAYS tell the truth and have very open communication.

Just my thoughts. Best wishes,

Jen

[energeticmale]

Jen is right. Just tell the truth now and if he likes you so much he'll probably want to continue it anyways. If he doesn't then it would be that much worse if he found out how old you were later on after you'd been dating even longer.

[cynders]

I'm 42 also, how do you think I felt when I had to tell my boyfriend that I was 19 yrs older than him. I was scared to death! I eventually came clean after just a few weeks of dating, not a few months. So you better say something soon, cause it will eat you up in side. My boyfriend never asked me cause he knew I was older and he was just being polite. We have been together a little over 5 months now and when I ask him "how old did you think that I was when you asked me to dance?", he replied "27".
Good Answer! He says that he doesn't see me as someone in my 40's cause I'm so young at heart and that we have so much in common. Believe it or not
I guess the strangest thing in our relationship is that his mother and I are the same age, but she likes me cause she sees how happy her son is with me. : )
So tell him and be done with it, cause he may never ask you your age out of sheer respect.

[bebejacket]

cynders, you hit the nail on the head. I am utterly TERRIFIED. I know I shouldn't be. But I am. Maybe the age thing matters more to me, and not him. I just never pictured myself dating someone with such an age gap after my divorce. My ex husband is 8 years younger, and we had major issues, some related to his lower level of maturity.

I kind of thought that my guy was in his thirties, based on how he behaves, and his position in his career.

Originally Posted by bebejacket

Im 42 and I just discovered guy of 3 months is 28. I am often mistaken for that age range, based on my appearance. He doesnt know our age diff is so huge. I am stunned myself. I knew he was younger, but didnt know it was 14 years, I was thinking less than 10 yrs difference.

I don't really know where to go from here. There is clearly an attraction, a spark, if you will. He is sweet and affectionate and he seems to have his act together. Inside I'm hoping it doesn't matter to him (based on the fact he's not asked how old I am), but also afraid he'll take off, or the relationship will deteriorate if I tell the truth.

help

Honey, 14 years isn't that big of a deal. Besides, he's 28 and not 18. He's considered "older" insofar as the cougar game is concerned.

If disclosing your age would damage your relationship, then it wasn't much of a relationship to begin with. Besides, a relationship based on deceit cannot stand.

Trust and honesty are critical factors in any relationship, whether it is personal or business. Make the disclosure. If he leaves, so be it. If he stays, then your relationship will be that much stronger.

I'm 43 and I often date 18 year olds. They are absolutely adorable. I always make my disclosures upfront. It's a waste of time to build something on anything less than honesty.