being used?

[andy1338]

I know this will sound a bit odd but I am worried that if i do go out with an older women even though they are smart, sophisticated and beautiful that she might just use me then throw me away. I know its not really a typical concern but I don't know does anyone else experienced this fear?

[houstoncougar]

like gambling you just might get used since women can be more ruthless then men if they want to be. You need to make sure you make your intentions clear when you go into a relationship and be honest then let the chips fall where they may. Every experience in life will teach you something so don't be afraid to live it.

[startpoint]

Age does not matter in regard to using someone. Just go ahead and enjoy meeting an older woman, see how things work out. As has been mentioned, take a gamble, who knows you may find the one of your dreams. Good luck!

[andy1338]

Thanks everybody for the help. It is something I will peruse at some point.

[jc60616]

Andy being the older women, I have that same thought in the back of my head. Does the YM I am interested only want sex and not a relationship. It goes both ways, I don't think its an age issue, but rather a moral issues.

[andy1338]

I suppose its more likely that younger men would be like that

[startpoint]

Not all young men are like that. I am more intrested in being with an older woman. By this I mean wanting to spend time with someone, getting to know them, enjoying their company, being involved in their intrests. Yes passion is important but I much prefer lovemaking to mere sex. There is just so much more mature women have to offer.

[lunamor]

Every time we meet or get to know new people, we risk something, because people (yes, men AND women)- often use others: for sex, for money, for convenience, against loneliness, or many other reasons. You might even say it's a basic human behavior - but it doesn't happen because most people are evil, or into screwing others over. They just consider their own interests, and satisfying their own wants and needs - what we want barely makes a blip on their radar screen.

So it's ridiculous to be surprised /shocked/ outraged/ etc when it happens. We should expect it as a very real possibility, at least until we know the other person well. We've got no guarantees. Still, we just keep our eyes open as we tentatively move along.

Or we hide and whimper alone in our room because we don't want to face the risks.

[houstoncougar]

Originally Posted by lunamor

Every time we meet or get to know new people, we risk something, because people (yes, men AND women)- often use others: for sex, for money, for convenience, against loneliness, or many other reasons. You might even say it's a basic human behavior - but it doesn't happen because most people are evil, or into screwing others over. They just consider their own interests, and satisfying their own wants and needs - what we want barely makes a blip on their radar screen.

So it's ridiculous to be surprised /shocked/ outraged/ etc when it happens. [We should expect it as a very real possibility, at least until we know the other person well.] We've got no guarantees. Still, we just keep our eyes open as we tentatively move along.

Or we hide and whimper alone in our room because we don't want to face the risks.

I think a lot of people would call this sort of attitude pessimistic but, to be honest with you I go into every situation knowing that most people never live up to the possibilities or expectations that I have for them. I meet new people all of the time get to know them and realize that wow this person could be totally awesome but... I think most people men and women alike never live up to their potential be it self confidence, fear, laziness, or just the fact that they don't know how to mine their own inner potential. I have always known that I was "different" than many of the people that I met or interacted with and was glad of it. Self reflection is a very good thing and I think it is something that people should start with at a young age so, that when they do reach middle age they will be secure in the knowledge that they have and are living a good life. This trait almost always insures that you will not suffer from the "what if" and "if only" syndrome that seems to afflict many middle agers. It also keeps seniors from becoming old bitter cronies who no one wants to associate with.

[ares9]

Originally Posted by houstoncougar

I go into every situation knowing that most people never live up to the possibilities or expectations that I have for them.

You just pointed out one of the big problems with a lot of younger females and even some in their 30s. They start out expecting a fantasy, but when that gets crushed a strict list of ideals gets made. I guess it's some sort of defensive mechanism so they can make sure they get their perfect guy.

I can't put all the blame on them though, the a-holes they fall for can be pretty clever sometimes unfortunately...