Frustration.....

[shiaten]

I just sat and read a long thread on here about if a relationship could persist without sex.
This thread frustrated me for several reasons.... The first of which, is because of medical reasons it has been difficult for me in the past to have sex. Because of this difficulty, I have been dumped by several girlfriends, including one who felt the need to sleep with my best friends brother instead. However it seems that on the forum post, it was entirely men who were stated as requiring sex in a relationship.

The second reason is because it was regularly indicated in the thread that sexual intimacy had little to do with emotional attachment or feeling. Why is this a common thought? Certainly sex can be had devoid of such things, however I suppose that is why I've always thought of sexual intimacy in two categories. Casual sex, and making love. One may be devoid of feeling, but sharing sexual closeness to a person can be an extremely emotional experience, and can bring a couple closer than many other things can. To take the emotion away from sex, is to strip it of much of its power, leaving a void behind that naught can fill.......

Am I the only one who has noticed these things? Am I just being silly to be frustrated by these conceptions, which I deem false?

-- David --

[sudojudo]

You didn't read my post. I am female and would not consider a relationship without sex, not at this time in my life. Perhaps things change in the older years, that would seem natural, but not now at age 46.

I used to roll my eyes when (mostly) women would go on about not needing a sex life with their partners to be happy, or how being attracted to a mans' personality was all that mattered, but I've come to the conclusion that some people aren't sexual beings, and that doesn't make them any less in the big picture. They sure need to mate up with others who are the same, and they shouldn't make public policy regarding my sexual activity because they don't have "the drive".

You have a big problem if your health doesn't allow you to engage in sexual intercourse, sure there is oral and sex toys, but that kind of handicap would take a very open relationship, open in that talking about the situation and working around the problem would take effort. I'm sure it could be done. This old comedian named Redd Foxx used to say "when you lose it in the hips, you gain it in the lips". My hero. Seriously, oral isn't all that appealing to me anymore...it was everything when I was in my 20's and 30's, but now I am most impressed with a guy who has talent with his hands and fingers, I'll take a good finger bang over a lick any day!

It's useless to be frustrated, people really have a wide scope of sexual needs, 'one size fits all' does not apply to the sex drive.

[sudojudo]

shiaten, to address the second paragraph of your post, of course being close, making love, falling in love...all great. I won't participate in meaningless sex.

[andy1338]

I think its more fun when you do it with someone you care about to be honest.

[andy1338]

a lepord cant change its spots but you can make it better at sex. My metaphore kind of fell down and Im sorry. But hugs are more important than sex to be honest.

[sudojudo]

I just don't agree. I am not suggesting that instructions, requests and open dialog can't fix minor kinks in the bedroom, but being sexually incompatable in terms of frequency, passion and importance in the relationship cannot be talked through. There is a "something" that I don't have a word for in regard to sexuality. Some men have it and some men do not. I'm not talking about some mindless horndog. It is an altered state of mind. In my experience, it isn't the great-body-perfect-face men who seem to have "it". I never have to choose between hugs and sex, the sex comes with the hugs, but if the hugs are all I get...it ain't gonna last.

[andy1338]

So some kind of clever jumper tool is in order then?

[houstoncougar]

[QUOTE=sudojudo;10577] There is a "something" that I don't have a word for in regard to sexuality. Some men have it and some men do not. I'm not talking about some mindless horndog. It is an altered state of mind. In my experience, it isn't the great-body-perfect-face men who seem to have "it.

I'm pretty sure I know exactly what you are talking about here. I have had men who were great in bed but that "something" was missing which caused me to end the relationship. I am in an altered state of mind when I participate in sexual acts with the man I care about and am involved with and expect him to be the same type of guy. It is very hard to explain and even harder to find.

[houstoncougar]

hmmm yes I suppose I could elaborate but, I am not sure if you would understand. But then again, if you know anything about your own screen name then perhaps you would. I am looking for something that is almost impossible to find and very hard to explain to "regular" men. It also takes a very special kind of man to understand it and to be into it.