My Experiences and Advices

[cutemaleguy]

First of all, i didnt know where to stick this so if this is in the wrong place, then please move it, lol.

Second, I know what you're thinking... "how can a 24 year old give advice and have any experience?". Well to be honest, I do. When you have been burned as much as I have, not only do you get used to it, but you also learn from it so that the same mistake won't happen twice.

I've actually been meaning to get this off my chest for quite a while, but didnt know where to discuss it, until now. I figured maybe it could help other people, including cubs and cougars. This is being typed right on the spot so it's not like I had this pre-planned and typed out already, lol

First off I just wanna state for the record that I looooooooooooooooooooove women. i think they are the most amazing creatures on this planet It's to the point where some might say I'm a feminist the truth is, I just find women to be as equal as men, and should be treated as equals. Thus it bothers me when men seem to think they can treat women like **** and get away with it.

Guys, whatever beliefs or ideas you have about "being a man", just throw it out the window. It takes a TRUE man to show their feelings rather than hide it and act like they don't care. It takes a true man to show some tears and cry when its called for rather then to act like nothing is wrong. Being all "macho" basically makes you look like you got some skeletons in your closet (I.E. some deep personal issues). That doesn't mean you should give up watching your favorite sport and stuff like that. And for god sakes, just cause you do ONE thing that may seem "girly" doesn't automatically make you a "sissy" or just flat out "gay".

Basically, when you're with a woman, just be yourself. Don't put up a false act just to make an impression. When you're with a woman, it helps if you actually pay attention to what they have to say... to acknowledge her and make her feel important like she matters (which she SHOULD matter ALWAYS). That's how good communication skills form, and that's how you keep her in a good mood. And it would also help if you think about her once in a while (although, if you're like me, she should be on your mind 24/7), and do something nice just to appreciate how much you like/love her (this requires NO MONEY WHATSOEVER). I've known this for all of my life. I've always treated women with respect, like royalty.

And just cause it doesn't work with one woman, doesn't mean all women act like THAT ONE WOMAN! Trust me, I've been on COUNTLESS of dates, alot of them didn't work out correctly cause of something. I could write a book about the people I've been with (but that's another topic for another day, lol unless people don't mind me sharing my past with them, then it's "Story Time with Chris", lol). All women have different personalities to them. Women are more than just "sex objects". Sure their beauty is the more obvious trait that they have but when it comes to looking for someone, it should be ONE out of many other factors, not the ONE AND ONLY factor. You have to get to know them as a person, and like them for who they are on the INSIDE before you judge and/or make your final decision, which of course is going to take time, but good things come to those who wait.

As for women, the only adivce i can give you is that guys are blunt, and they always get straight to the point. And we arent mind readers either, lol. So as long as you're straight-foward with us as well, then it's all good.

That's all I can think of for now. Anything else you wanna know (or if you want more stories, lol), lemme know

[wetnwild]

That was great Chris! I think I'm in love, heehee!!

But as far as guys "getting straight to the point" I do have to disagree with that part. Yes, some are very blunt and do get straight to the point. HOWEVER, I have met quite a few cubs that just seem to want to keep things to themselves. This includes the one that I had a 7 month long LDR with. There were so many times that he just didn't want to talk about things, he just preferred to keep everything all bottled up inside. It ultimately led to the end of our relationship, which just proves, as you said above, that it really is all about communication! To me, that is the NUMBER ONE thing, to keep a relationship alive and thriving!

[cutemaleguy]

Originally Posted by wetnwild

I think I'm in love, heehee!!

oooooo la la

Im glad you agree though and yea about the other thing with the LDR, some guys are a bit withdrawl, but that's only cause they think they can handle it themselves. it's like they think they are inferior or weak if they ask for help or if anyone offers help. That's just something that some guys need to work on by themselves though.

[sexy_pleasure]

I like to see young men growing up. To this I would add my very personal point of view.
There is something extremely sexy, alluring and enticing about men that don’t talk too much. Men that with their presence say it all!
Not pretending, not flamboyant, not insecure…
They never try to prove anything to others, they are who they are and external influence does not change the authenticity of their character.
I love this kind of men ! But then again, some other women would prefer the total opposite type of men.

[cheshirecat]

Hmm... Interesting post and whilst there are some points I agree with, there are certainly some things in there I'm inclined to disagree with.

You say it takes a 'true man' to cry rather than acting as though nothing is wrong. As far as I'm aware, a man should be a good, strong being. This helps his spouse and his family feel safe in his presence. Women are not particulary attracted to a blubbering mess who always wants to talk about his feelings. Being 'macho' has little to do with it, it's about setting an ideal atmosphere for family and showing that you are there to tackle any problems or threats that may approach. Appearing insecure is a huge turn off for women. Communication between partners is key; tears are not required.

You say that men should do something nice to show their spouse that they love them. From a personal view point, yes, they should. But this should not be a one sided thing. At the same time, doing something nice too frequently makes this gesture un-special and therefore unappreciated. The need for respect, however, is a must.

Though it can seem polite, supplicating with a woman can be a real dealbreaker. Women like to play games and guys do too. I'm not talking about mind games and trying to upset each other, I'm talking about games of chemistry. Cat and mouse, for example. It helps to set up a sense of spontaneousness and even chemistry. I'll also add that as a male, being assertive or at least decisive is a must. No one likes it when people can't make up their mind or never know what to do.

These are my views on the matter. Weather or not anyone will agree (or disagree) I don't know. These are based on my own experiences.

[laine175]

What happened to just being who you are........I love your description of the perfect man Chris but the reality is far from the truth and Cheshire you also make valid points...but what you both do is set up a game plan.....I want a guy who's spontaneous, who thinks about me the same as I think about him, who is strong when he needs to be but gentle and tender when he should be, I want someone who loves ME.... for all my faults as well as for my good points....if you love someone all this should come naturally not be thought out and part of a plan..........I love what you've both written and that you've thought about it, but I want all the mess ups as well as all the fun...thats what makes a relationship unique...just my own opinion.....

[cheshirecat]

Whilst I agree with what you're saying Laine, the fact is that relationships require work. If neither party (or just one) contributes, the relationship fails. Doing what comes naturally sounds lovely in theory but in reality does little help. A relationship would not exist without unconditional love anyway - there is no plan in regards to this.

I mentioned in my post that being spontaneous is a positive thing, but one cannot simply plan to be spontaneous. Being spontaneous, in its very nature, is completely random. There really can't be any sort of game plan involved. The points I raised are merely there as a reminder to not so much change the way one acts, but rather to help understand qualities that are preferred.

Trying to stick to a plan and act differently to who you really are will no doubt stand out like a saw thumb and seem rather fake.

[giant]

im not sure if anyone knows this but, being alternatively dressed and of gothic nature we have no problem showing our feelings and or emotions, i have been emotionally attached at times and i do cry i love to even when your happy, but thats good i think that guys who treat women like !@#$ should not be able to date and or anything else, if i see it then i do something about it