Ask An Older Woman Thread (all you ever wanted to know)

[westcougar]

Well, I thought I'd start this thread after the first day and a half of membership, because I've made a few observations.

I wanted to see if I could answer any questions you might have or if my lovely female members could answer your questions...

I'll preface this by saying, I don't want a relationship. Not even a short one. I want a casual thing, very casual. So, if you have a question about having a relationship or being in a relationship with an older woman, you'll have to ask my esteemed fellow cougars...

So, some tips about talking to older women--namely ME (who don't want relationships and just want a casual situtation, and I don't mean to speak for all of us as we all have different views)

1. Just because I want a casual situation, doesn't mean I'm desperate. Most of us can pick up guys in bars/pubs/clubs if we want to but we choose for various reasons to meet nice men here.

2. Looks are important but you also have to be able to have a conversation and have something to say. Messages with 'Hi, you're hot" really do nothing for me**. Add to that your profile having no pic, no details and nothing to differentiate you from the other hundreds (thousands?) of 22 yr olds is doing you no favours. Bulk up your profile, please. Show off your unique personality and yes, pictures matter! ** Having said that, a few personalised compliments show you're interested. Comment on our hair, clothing, figure, smile... maybe leave the compliments about our feminine features until a later conversation.

3. Asking me very intimate questions about my sexual preferences and details of my stats isn't a good way to start. If you want to get to know me, ask me about myself, what I like to do, etc... Asking me straight away if I like X sexual position is a bit of a turn off. I know we're both here for the purposes of meeting someone for mutual benefit, but leave it for maybe a while before becoming very personal.

4. If I say I don't have intimate photos, it might mean I have them and I don't want to send them to you. It might mean I actually don't have them. Asking over and over is really annoying. If I had them, would I send them to you after you've just needled me for ages? Probably not. All good things come to those who wait. We can tell when you're picture collecting.

5. Take the time to read our profiles. I'm very clear about what I want. If you send me a message, IM or whatever, be sure to read my profile because I will ask you what you liked about it that made you contact me. If you just say, "You're hot." well, I won't be too impressed. One fella actually hadn't even looked at my age, photos, location. We like to think you've chosen us for a reason, not just because we're the only woman online.

6. Post on these forums. Read what the wise and experienced cougars and cubs have to say. You're not an expert in this area (nor am I) and we all can learn from others' successes and failures. Read and post. If you're entertaining, witty, humourous or most of all intelligent, it'll come through in how you interact with other posters and it's definitely an attractive attribute!!

7. Have something to say. Remember, we're not necessarily going to have a lot of interests in common. We're a generation apart, mostly, so we both have to look for common ground to have a conversation. Answering questions with, "Yeah" or 'No" quickly becomes boring. It's about a bit of banter and reparteé. Be playful and don't always come back to one of the following: When can I call you? Can you call me? Can you come to my city to meet me? When? When? When?

I hope that helps and expect I've left a lot out. I'd really like to hear any other further questions you have, either for me or for the other women here.

[violet]

Westcougar, I think these tips apply whether we are looking for something casual or a more substantial long term relationship. Good job!

[westcougar]

Violet, you're correct...! I just put that on there, because some of the more intimate questions don't offend me or upset me it's more timing and wording that are the problem. I know it's not the same for others...

I thought some men might want to ask questions that have more to do with falling in love, challenges of the relationship between OW/YM...

[n1ck]

Thanks for this information westcougar, i know i sure would be lost without it. Talking to women has always been a challenge for me and without your inside knowledge on basic communication skills, respect and how to hold a conversation, i just dont know where i would be!!

ps. your super hot.

[lunamor]

Great post, WC - and Violet's right, I'd be surprised if any woman who reads what you've written would disagree, no matter what she's seeking...but of course, if that's the case I'd sure love to hear the voice of opposition as well!

Wonder if anything you've written here surprises any of the guys?

[westcougar]

Originally Posted by n1ck

Thanks for this information westcougar, i know i sure would be lost without it. Talking to women has always been a challenge for me and without your inside knowledge on basic communication skills, respect and how to hold a conversation, i just dont know where i would be!!

ps. your super hot.

Snicker snicker... you win!

[vita]

Yep agree with Violet. There's nothing you say there that hasn't irritated the hell out of me too.

I also think we're talking a little bit at odds too and that, as women, and what we want from the guys, the gap isn't as wide as some suppose. It's really interesting that you've been up-front about wanting something "casual" as I asked a few weeks back if any woman was here for NSA anon sex and if they wouldn't mind us discussing it in private because I wanted to understand it from another woman's perspective. You've just confirmed that, whatever it is you want, it's not NSA anon sex as some men might understand it. I know about NSA anon sex from my close gay male friends who do indulge in it (not all gay men do this I hasten to add but some do). They'll go to a park, or they'll go on a gay site and they will literally just go with anyone if they're available, hot, can deliver the explicit sexual task they're after when they're after it. What you think and what you do and whether you can hold a conversation is completely irrelevant. It's all about momentary sexual satisfaction.

That is *not* what you're saying but it's what most of the guys who want pure sexual encounters are looking for. It's anon, it's irrelevant who you are and what you like, though if you're hot it's a bonus but I'm sure it doesn't matter really. A hole is a goal. The more I've learned about female sexuality, the more I've found it difficult to believe that any woman is going to find this (sexually) satisfying unless she works in the sex industry and it's financial satisfaction (or necessity) or unless there are a whole complex range of other, non-sexual, issues going on which get played out sexually (as has happened for me in the past). I'm not, of course saying women can't get involved in a situation which is about pure sexual pleasure - and clearly, neither are you.

I don't think there is a division between women who are looking for casual or serious encounters. I'm not looking for either. I'm looking for someone to treat me like a human being and not a throwaway sex toy. If that's what you want, go and buy yourself one. It's about old fashioned (there ya go Cherry) respect for other human beings. I think you can want either casual encounters and more serious encounters or, indeed, no encounters at all, and still want that. I'm not offended when guys on here just go straight for sex-talk. I'm bored. I'm bored by their lack of imagination, their lack of intelligence and their lack of subtlety. And I actually think i despise the men who do it because they know very well what they're doing and it strikes me that there's a tinge of misogyny about it too (controversial!). There are other women here who have more generosity and patience towards such men.

[vita]

I've just had a little think about why I have no problems my gay male friends indulging in NSA anon sex at all and yet feel entirely p-i-s-s-e-d off when someone approaches me for it on here. It's because it's not appropriate. This is not an adult sex site. This is a dating site and it's billed as such (and I may even stretch that a little and say a social site for many of us too). The gay men I know who do anon NSA sex go on adult sex sites or to parts of the park where other men who are looking for exactly the same thing go too. No one is surprised about what then happens either conversationally or physically.

If there really is a mutual (and not one-sided) need for NSA anon sex then maybe there needs to be a way of making it clearer so that no one feels hassled or pestered in ways that seem unpleasant to them. I doubt that's the way the owners of this site would want to go though, just looking at it as a business model, without taking anything else into account.

[n1ck]

I'm sick of cougars just wanting no strings attached sex (aka westcougar). I have emotions and feelings and it for once it would be nice to know people cared about who i am rather than just using me for my enormous penis (7+ inches confirmed btw, which according to google is bigger than the average size) for pure pleasure.

But just to reiterate with vita, I entirely agree with your points above and have nothing further of meaningful value to contribute to this conversation.

On a side note, talking of raging homosexuals I watched "I love you phillip morris" a week or so back, and i was strangely aroused by Jim Carreys acting skills. Would highly recommend to anyone.

Ps. vita you single?

[vita]

Originally Posted by n1ck

I'm sick of cougars just wanting no strings attached sex (aka westcougar). I have emotions and feelings and it for once it would be nice to know people cared about who i am rather than just using me for my enormous penis (7+ inches confirmed btw, which according to google is bigger than the average size) for pure pleasure.

aww, poor you. What a hard life you must have beating off these wicked NSA anon sex cougar types!

Yes, of course I'm single. I guess I've been waiting for you to pop along all my life and not discuss the size of your (7 inch) cock. Come and listen to classical music with me and then we can discuss Shakespeare.

I've left the door on the latch.