Here it comes! I am getting desperate :(

[joshatkins]

Hello!
First time I'm posting here, and to be honest - I found this site just a hour ago, but I decided to post as I am getting desperate, considering this whole situation is out of my league.

Here it comes.

I am 20 - and she is (as far as i know ._.) 30.
The place - we both work in the same place, although she works in a different sphere than me - and is several floors below mine. She is not a boss or anything near it, but over all we don't work together at all - we just see each other sometimes in the corridors (and if there is a problem, we might talk about it over the phone).

What I've noticed is that we both share the same music taste (when I went to work for the first time she was around and heard the music I listen to and totally loved it - that's rare, considering I listen to rock/metal and not many people at my workplace like that - she also shares my love/interest to traveling and the likes).

THE real problem is that - she works with 4 or 5 (not sure, as I am trying to be away from that place! ) women in the same room, hence me going there will be totally awkwark and I might say something along the lines of ''yeah, I like food too!!".

Also, me going there and starting to chat around with her - or even doing it not in the room - will be strange and I think it'll give me away - as I am the kind of person that doesn't talk a lot - just does his job and that is - I also am hiding my emotions and feelings for all it's worth - I doubt she has even remote idea of how I feel about her (been at work for about year an a half now, you should agree that even if it's not the right thing to try and be with a collegue of mine - not doing anything will be worse, as I've been trying to get over it since I started working here - no luck at all!).


So my question - What should I do? How could I know if she's interested or ANYTHING at all? I can't seem to get outside the work-relations with her (considering the total time we talked for those year and a half is about 15-30 minutes).
I tried once or twice, but it didn't work because she was busy or something (note, she might have been giving me hints to GTFO there, but I am too silly to comprehend).
How should I approach her? How should I do anything?
Anything you say will be of huge help! (nay sayers aren't welcome though > )


(A little thing to add, - I have been straining from relationships for a while, due to certain events including a summer and 3 girls - but I can't seem to strain from her - as she is in my head almost all the time).



So yes, please, do help!

P.s.
No, she doesn't have a boyfriend/isn't married.

[vita]

She could be a lesbian of course and doesn't feel able to say in a work environment - people tend to assume otherwise unless they're told. I know this is not what you want to hear...

If you've tried all the subtle methods, then maybe you need to be a bit more direct by saying something like "I really enjoy our chats but there aren't many of them because it's busy at work - do you fancy doing something social sometime? No pressure!"..or are you saying it's difficult to get some time alone with her? If so, could you do it in an email (making it as light and as non-pressured as possible?).

If it's a "no" then you can get on with your life and stop the "what ifs" and if it's a "yes" you can take it from there. Usually, you have a sense about whether someone likes you or not - not necessarily sexually but whether they enjoy your company.

Alternatively, if you really feel you're nowhere near this stage of asking her out directly, are there any work-related socials going on? Can you ask her if she's going to them or if she'd like to go?

[joshatkins]

Well, all our chats have been about either work or me trying to get her go out at some point, eventually failing. So saying something along the lines of ''i like our chats'' will be strange, eventhough I really do enjoy them.

The only social things going at work are lunch... and I am not sure how to ask her - If i ask her by phone - my collegues will hear (do not want! ) A problem is that I am generally a lot younger than the rest of my collegues (4-5 year difference minimum) and I tend to go out for lunch/whatever alone, not with anyone... so going and taking her out... will... uh... I'm confused!
If i go there - her collegues (4 - 5 women her age...)
If i ask her by mail - I won't be sure if she will answer.

So yeah, I'm the typical shy idiot ^^


As for her being lesbian - well yeah, it is always a possibility But before I got at work a collegue (who is no longer with us) was taking her out and shizzle.


Sidepoint - today I went to her room to talk with her about eventual go-out in the next month or so (common interests) - my heart was going out of my chest the moment I was on her floor. So yeah, you guessed it - fail!

I also suck at being subtle (or I am way too subtle and she doesn't get it!)

[lynda]

You do have to take a step to be able to do anything with her. If you can not do it then I suggest you find someone else that is more approachable. We can give you all sorts of advice and Vita has already done a good job with that. Good luck....

[houstoncougar]

seriously? A year and a half? I suggest just asking her out if you are that afraid to do it in front of your coworkers on the phone then send her an email or a note and just go for it that is way to long to torture yourself.

[mizbehavin]

In general, women like the cute shy guy, but eventually you're gonna have to find some b a l l s and be direct, otherwise this could go on and on and on....

[susanlb50]

I say just go up to her and ask if she would like to go out sometimes...at least you will know if she is interested or not and the torture will be over...

[lorilee]

I would say the same, go ask her out. and if you cannot find it in yourself to do that, then you need to move on or you'll never find anyone. Good luck and let us know what happens.

[joshatkins]

Thank you for the kind answers!
Seems that I will most certainly try my luck next week, because at the moment it's getting to the point where my sleep is going out of the window because of her, and that is something I don't want.
(Going to ask her out for lunch at work). ^^

So yeah, will see what happens.

[lunamor]

Burn a CD of fav songs, catch her alone for a moment, smile and give her the CD and say something like, "I noticed you like the same kind of music I like, would you like to have a coffee together to talk music?"