in love with someone who doesn't love me back

[ccassam]

im having problems with my feelings for someone

im 23 and ive been talkin to a woman from this website for quite a few months, we talk most days online

we haven't met in person yet, we live about 5 hours away from each other, ther is a 30 year age gap between the two of us but that doesn't matter to me, we talked about dating and she asked me questions like would i feel embarassed if i went out with someone old enough to be my mother and things like that, but i said no cos things like that don't bother me, shes also told me if we lived closer she would like to go out with me

anyway about a month ago she told me found a new boyfriend, he's a few years older than me so there is an age gap between them two, part of me was happy for her but the other half of me was upset because i started to fall in love with her even though we've not met yet face to face

sometimes when i go online now and ask he how she is, she says she is not good cos she's having problems with her boyfriend, i love this woman and i don't want her to be unhappy, but she's also in a relationship, im in love with a woman i can't have and it hurts so much

i don't know what to do

[ohioguy216]

I agree completely with Tarni. It may sound harsh but that's the reality of the situation.

Psychologically what you're experiencing is called Transference... just as Tarni said ... it's the "idea" of what the relationship could be like. You're transfering your own relationship needs and wants onto her.

Think of this as a growth opportunity for you. What do you really like about her... ? When you come up with the answer, it'll more likely than not be a "need" in you that's not being met... Spend some time in your pain and figure it out... nothing wrong with feeling "Sad" that something did not work out.

Best to you .

[compton]

HI,dude
don't worry man if you love her so much then definitely one day she will came and I suggest that you must go to their home and talk her face to face so that she can understand your feelings and your emotions.when you talk her face to face then she can see your expression and and i think your expression make a positive response for you.According to me age doesn't matter in love,so don't think about her age .Definition of love is satisfaction,sacrifice,understanding any many more.In love money and age doesn't matter.You can also take advice from different sites about this problem.I know one of them which is use full and from there you can get the different ideas of dating,making healthy relationships etc.(http://www.themodernman.com).I also visited this sites and used it's ideas in my love life and now i am dating with one of the best girl in my college. So just do all those things whatever i said and believe me you will soon get out of all those problems you are facing now.

[bluesybil]

You don't really know this woman sweetie, nor she you. I agree with what was presented, you are in love with the idea of her. Or rather with what you would like her to be to you.

From what you've said, the distance seems to be a factor, and personally, I understand her reservations with it. If she is looking for a serious or LT relationship, or even simply a consistent one for that matter, then she's going to be more apt to look closer to home. Long distance relationships can be extremely difficult at best.

btw, there is nothing wrong with being her friend, she seems to respect your opinions or she wouldn't be discussing her personal life with you. Perhaps over time things will change. But meanwhile try to see it for what it is.

[piper]

Hey dude, I'm 22y/o and i've been in your shoes before, a few years ago I dated a women 11 years older than me, and then i found out that she was engaged, it broke my heart and I felt like **** for a long time, I didn't care that she was engaged, I only cared that I loved her and I couldn't be with her, and because we dated and became intimate it was much harder to deal with. Today her and I are good friends. When either of us has a problem we talk about it and try to help one another. You're lucky because you're still in the baby stages of a relationship. Bluesybil is right, the fact that she shares personal info with you shows that she both respects and trusts you, and that's something you shouldn't let go of, whether it be a friend, lover or other. I understand how you feel completely so my advice to you is this. Realize what it is about her you love the most, and charish those things, DO NOT under any circumstances try to go see her without her consent, and finally, tell her how you feel, let her know that all you want is for her to be happy even if it's not with you, believe me i know it's hard but once you do you will feel so much better, and she'll appreciate you so much more, and as a bonus, it just may help with any future you may have together.

Sorry for rambling,
good luck.

[princebybirth]

First off... just like everyone else said. You aren't in love with her. I'm not going to dwell on that because everyone else has talked about it.

Look at it this way... it's a lesson. You are still the man in the relationship and while cougars are known to be more bold and outgoing you still need to be able to be the man and take the first step if need be.

Maybe she didn't like the distance, but you could have still suggested getting together for a day. Who knows, maybe you would've realized you guys didn't click at all upon meeting. You missed your opportunity though, so take it as a lesson and move on... try to find someone closer it'll make everything much easier.